Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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