Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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