puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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