thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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