I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she looked like the before picture.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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