I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
