Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
