i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
