yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
