at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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