I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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