i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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