I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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