My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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