did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
