Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
