I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
