It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
