i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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