you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Randomize
