It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
