Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
