Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
