I just pynch a tree in the face
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
