I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
