the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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