so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
