i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
