If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
