i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
