Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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