Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
