There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
