guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
