I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
