Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
