i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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