I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
