three words: i give head
three words: not that well
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.