I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize