God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself