My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.