So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I said "one day" and that day is not today