my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
false alarm, still single
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