Do you still have your period?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.