Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
