the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
