There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
