I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
