A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
