I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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