I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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