you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
