Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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