I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
love makes seman taste better
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
