just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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