You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
