dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
