The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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