U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
