This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
