ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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