he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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