You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
