did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
