You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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