i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
