Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
