Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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