1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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