Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
