Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
