Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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