Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
