6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
