she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
