she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
