Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
