y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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