the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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