Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
