was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
