Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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