Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's rum buckets o'clock
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
