If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
