Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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