When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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